Kirton-Poem-Never Enough Time

Recalling Health to the Mind

never enough time to say i love you

dad, how do i find the courage to say the things i have left unsaid most of my life? 

you were usually the one giving the tough love, the one that we saw as invincible and above all of the human frailties associated with the rest of us. 

we haven’t always seen eye to eye, we didn’t always know how to say what we were feeling inside and so usually we either said nothing, or the wrong thing. 

what is this bond that exists between father and daughter?  growing up i could only see all of the things in you i never wanted my husband to be — too domineering, too strong-headed, too non-communicative.  but now as time and distance have widened my vision and revealed my own flaws, i can only see the things in you i treasure and pray for in my mate... 

that sense of strength which i once found too over-powering, is now valued for the depth of character it forged within your spirit. 

that strong-headedness i once abhorred, has become my anchor to always remember to remain rigid on the essentials but flexible on the non-essentials. 

the silence i once viewed as being a deliberate barrier you erected between you and the rest of the world and a sign of insensitivity, i have now come to understand as your way of maintaining your inner balance and accepting the things that were beyond your control. 

now that i can see you in your true light and yearn for the chance to say sorry for never having said i understand, for never having said thank you for all your efforts, for never having said i know that you only wanted for me all the opportunities you never had....it is too late. 

i must now come to terms with my feelings of guilt for never having voiced the four most important words in the entire universe — “i love you dad”, then, now and forever.  i must trust that just as i was allowed to come to terms with your unique and incomparable style of loving, somewhere along your journey in the next world you too will know of this love i always had for you but didn’t always show to you. 

they say the longest journey is that from the heart to the mind — i know this is true as i learn to value you in my adult years.

i wish you God’s speed in reaching the light of your Creator.  i wish you infinite hours of laughter and sunshine as you stand tall, strong, and humble in the presence of those who await you on the other side, but most of all, i give you my undying love and will tenderly whisper prayers of assistance and forgiveness as you begin the most glorious phase of your true spiritual existence. 

with love, your daughter 

debbie kirton: 1 february 1998, haifa, Israel

© 2004 Debbie Kirton. All Rights Reserved.

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